It has been an 8 month journey to get to today. I guess I
thought it would be more……something. I guess I thought that I would feel some
kind of pressure lift from my body. I have been cleared as a normal stationary
human being. Ooohhh, I know that sounds dreary and so boring, but it means a
lot. I am alive and I have been released to live my life, barring the exception
of going on a bender. I don’t think my brain would be very happy with me. So,
now that I have survived this huge ordeal they called a brain tumor, what’s
next?
In a couple of months I turn 30, a big accomplishment, as I
am alive to see it. Most people dread it, and I guess deep down I do to, but in
the face of everything, I am so happy to have another birthday. Everything in
my perception has changed.
My life got to hit the do-over button. Not my whole life,
but the last parts where I was self-destructing. I never thought anything was
wrong with me, or my opinions. Now my unforgiving nature has turned into a forgiveness
and slow yielding process. No more finality in my feelings, but a thoughtful insight
into why I feel that way and why I am having a reaction at all.
There are days where I can tell something has shifted and I
try to set myself back on track, to this new me, as my husband likes to joke,
wifey version 1.5. The changes are done, and there is a whole life ahead of me
to look forward to and a whole lot of past to either make amends for or walk away
form and call it even. One is much easier than the other, and in certain
situations I have chosen to walk away, not because the task is too difficult,
but because after careful consideration I don’t find that that situation would
have panned out better regardless of my brains status.
Every month that passes, I celebrate a little on that day,
just a little reminder to myself to be thankful to my Doctor and those who puts
good thoughts toward me. I appreciate it.
Life is fleeting; it can go by so quickly and so slowly all
at once. Life has never been better than it is today. I have the most wonderful
and caring husband a woman could ever want. Two wonderfully fuzzy assholes that
we call our cats (Frankie and Draino are my cuddle buddies), I have a great
job, where I hate everybody, almost, and some of the baddest bitches and
friends I could ever ask for. They were here for me at my worst I hope they’ll
stick around to know me at my best. I have to learn to let my family in more
than I have let my friends, but that will take more time for me. I am still
working through those issues, and hopefully I’ll be done analyzing all of that
soon.
I guess the fireworks that I expected today will have to
wait for our vacation to NOLA, just some alone time with my husband, no
electronics, no distractions, no work, the bayou, some music and amazing food. That’s
how I’ll celebrate being here for another year.
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